SUNDAY DECEMBER 5TH 2021

MY WIFE AND I TAKING A WALK IN PIONEER SQUARE (sorry hun I can't figure out how to make this image display properly)

There is something in the air. It usually comes in December. When the seasonal change really starts to set in. You can perceive it in October, and November, but December is the real teller. Stepping outside in the early morning, taking a deep breath (I always take a deep breath when I leave home) My lungs and sense of smell are filled with a drug. It is intoxicating, and best of all there is no crash, no sense of guilt, no regret. The first buzz I get is a simple time travel buzz, a feeling. It's an immediate conncection with walking to school as a boy. I'm almost 11 years old again, walking with my saxophone (I remember thinking it was so heavy.) I'm in touch with feeling a little nervous, (the school year is still young) feeling cold, and probably worried I didn't study or finish any assignments. All those seemingly negative emotions are overshadowed by one heaping feeling......my blood is alive with possibilities, with dreams that come when you are young.

The other part of the recipe is Christmas, the hopes of a white Christmas, the colors and smells of that particular holiday. You can't downplay the excitment of a young boy looking forward to opening presents. I fondy remember believing in Santa Clause, and watching all the holiday classics, Rudolph, Frosty, Grinch etc etc. My mother, grandmother, aunts, uncles all made this a time of feeling loved. I may have lost my father very young, and my stepfather was a heavy drinker, but mom and family always made me feel loved. the saying is true: People will forget things you say and do, but they will never forget the way you made them feel.

That gift, that feeling that comes back every time I step out into a cold December morning, will never go away. How strong and eternal is that? I'm grateful for it, and those memories. I'm grateful I stopped smoking and drinking my life away, so I can take a deep enough breath to conjure up all those feelings. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY.

 

November 23rd 2021,

As the pictures above show, I'm tearing apart a room, transforming it into a recording studio. That first picture on the left was taken right after signing a one year lease. I've got my dog Gordon in my arms, and I'm standing next to my business partner, Brian. The rest of the pictures show the demolition of the old room (it used to be part of a day care center called Sweet Pea) Lots of work is still needing to be done. Sound proofing and acoustically treating the room is our goal. Do we know what we are doing? Not really, but we're giving it a go.

Why is it that we can doubt ourselves so heavily. Just when I get excited about this opportunity a voice in my head ruins it. It tells me I will fail, that know one will pay to have me record them, and you won't be that good at it anyway, and this is one big waste of time and money. I hear that voice and tell it to be quiet, but it does get heard. I figure I can find out a lot in a year. I will know if I'm going to be any good at it, and is it something I really want to do. Regardless of the fear we move on. We try to make smart decisions, and jump in.

The recording studio will be called The Chapel Recording Company. What I want to do is have a place where a person can record without feeling intimidated. A chance to feel inspired, to record on a cool vintage Scully mono tape deck. My aim is to work within the limitations of what I have. And what I have is a mono 1/4 inch full track tape deck. One mic, a good song, a good performance, and get it right. No fixing things on the computer. Let that great tube preamp, and that warm tube mic hit that tape head full on. I want to help people make good music and have fun. I don't think the studio will be recording ready for a least another month. Let's just call it the new year. here's to my career after retirement (which is still at least 2 years away).

Also I have finally put together a band camp page. Please follow the link and give me a follow. I just might let this website thing go soon. Not sure.

Barry's band camp page

 

November 23rd 2021,

QUIET PLEASE vinyl
  • QUIET PLEASE vinyl
In cart Not available Out of stock
$15.00

Classic 140 grahm black vinyl. digital download included. Hand silkscreened beautiful cover. Lyric sheet, stickers
$15 Includes digital download card

The concept: One instrument per song, no instrument can be used twice.  This album was the simplest idea, and took longer than anything I've done. I want to hear the barest bones of each song.  Give me the leanest version possible.  Let me hear the pads letting gently down on the saxophone.  Let me hear your fingers slide on the cello.  Let me hear you breath, let me sit with a long pause of silence.

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This Picture is a Dream
  • This Picture is a Dream
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$8.00

Collection of poems and short stories $8 This is my first book. A collection of poems and short stories.  Focusing on family, love, frustrations, and animals.  Into the third printing of 50.   A Perfect bound book from the Gorbie empire.

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Good Morning you

get up and get after

SEPTEMBER 6TH 2021

It's been a summer of work. Now if I was taking about songwriting and playing great shows, and feeling cool, that would be one thing, but I'm not. I'm a truck driver, just a tried and true laborer. It's the thing I've spent most of my life perfecting. It's not very sexy to say but it is true. I'm a hell of a laborer, and it has provided for me my entire life, and in its way it has disciplined me (we are not a disciplined people.) It has had its price of course, working for the man ya know. It has taken a toll on my body. With the shortage in labor I have worked longer hours than I have in my entire labor drenched life. Lately my back has been hurting like hell, and my left foot feels like it has a rock embedded in the ball of my foot. So you take a hand full of ibuprofen and get on with it. The only obvious benefit of those hours is the pay. So I've spent some money getting that Scully tape deck up and running. I've also spent some money on a few components. I'm gonna try and record a new album on it. 

I do have material for a new album. Hope to get to that soon. But lately all my time goes to work, and cutting records over at my side hustle  GORBIE LATHE CUTS. Then if I can find some more time I'm trying to build a rack for my new components. Then if I have any more time I try and give it to my very patient wife. Then I try and eat and sleep. I got to tell you that retirement is calling my name. I also tell you that I want to start a recording studio, and have that be my job in retirement. My angle will be using this old mono tape deck. One mic, all analog, and a good time. That's what I'll be selling, come record a demo, and feel creative. Thinking of calling it "DEMOMONO STUDIO, or maybe "MONOMIX STUDIO. Not sure, what do you think? IO got to go have some breakfasts, and get to working. You folks be good. 

MAY 30th 2021
I see that shows are coming back and it puts a pit in my stomach. This 56 year old thinks it might be hard to start that old engine. During the "no live music" era I had a built in excuse. Sure I'd like to play some live shows, but what can you do? There's a pandemic and no venues are operating. I could calm down that hard driving son of bitch inside me that will never let me just sit and do nothing.  I could just fall back on the pandemic "I know you want to do shows but we can't. It's not up to us" Then I could just get up tomorrow and go to work, because labor is really what I do best. Don't get me wrong, holding down a job and being able to really excell at labor has been a blessing, but not part of my dream. I should be more grateful though. In the next four or five years I will probably retire with a full pension. All because I could pick heavy things up and put them down. All because I could endure long hours and a horrible work schedule. Fact is that has always given me security. Not enough folks can hack that stuff and that means  job security for those who can. That's me, obscure musician and skilled labor glutton for getting in the trenches. Could I have spent my time in better ways?

I'm getting off track here. Shows are coming back and I don't know if I have the stomach for it all anymore. Now I might be just comiserating here, venting, processing, crying, I don't know. i told my brother these same feelings years ago and he said "You'll be complaining and playing shows when you're 65." He's probably on to something there. 65 doesn't even seem that far away. Maybe I will have learned how to give myself a break by then. I'm saying I havent missed promoting myself. I do not miss trying to sell another release or get you all to come to my next show. I don't miss the anxiety of wondering if my performance will be good or will I go home yelling at myself for not singing very good, or forgetting my lyrics, or flubbing my guitar parts, etc, etc. Maybe I'm all burned up. Maybe I've spent to much energy trying to do the impossible. Humility is coming for us all.

I'm working on bringing an old mono Scully tape deck back to life. I'm thinking it might be cool to record my new album on that.
Once a week I try and walk over to Brandi's house and practice with her. Viola, vocal, and nylon string guitar. I have a real nice batch of new songs. I like things real sparse, and I'm not so sure that's always the best for my songs. If I can't get the Scully up and running I think we'll go to a proper studio. maybe we'll even do both. I wasn't in a hurry to begin with and the pandemic really slowed my motivation. Not being able to share your creations with others is the real quick sand. As soon and the music leaves your head and enters the world it is already compromised, and that's ok, it's just the facts. It is a baby born to the world that looks a little different than what you had in mind. Then you're excited to show it to a few close folks. Everyone tells you how cute it is, how beautiful it is, how great it's going to be. That of course is a bit of a false reality. The tricky part is when you present it to the greater world. When you get your expectations up, hopes for its success. THAT IT WILL BE MORE SPECIAL THAN THE REST.

Have I written about this all before? I go back and read journals from 5 years ago. Same bullshit different year. Negativity is one of my problems, that and self pity. Sound like therapy?

We've (Brandi and I) cutting some demo's. Maybe I'll try and post one here. Eventually I'll have a new album to share, and then all the worry can start. My life is without want. I have a stable home life, and wonderful wife, and the cutest dog you've ever seen. My home is small but cozy. Did you make it all the way to the end? Good for you. 

Sincerely 
Barry James Brusseau

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY 2021

I went to bed last night without brushing my teeth. Got up this morning and had to use a hammer to get into our recycling bin. That damn thing had been frozen shut. I had to dump out a 1 foot by 1 foot block of ice out of our glass recycling bin. I gathered up all of our plastic, glass, and garbage. Outside I took in a big lung full of the iced air. It filled my lungs and felt real good. I've had with this ice and snow, but this morning I had to do something that felt productive. I feel stagnate. Doing some small action made me feel good. Then I came inside and made coffee. Then I sat down and gave a show at updating my website.

I write feeling as though no one ever visits me. I'm not shooting for sympathy, and I'm not feeling sorry for myself. The reality is I'm a truck driver, husband, brother, son, and non touring obscure musician. My life is wonderful, but I'm a functioning manic, obsessive, unsatisfied human. 

I just got an old mono tape machine. Maybe I'll record the next record on it. It was Fred Cole's (Dead Moon.) He never had time to get the machine up and running. I'm trying to do that. Love the old stuff, but it can be a rabitt hole.

I have a batch of great new songs. We'll keep working towards the recording and release of them. However the universe decides to do that.