• QUIET PLEASE vinyl
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Classic 140 grahm black vinyl. digital download included. Hand silkscreened beautiful cover. Lyric sheet, stickers
$15 Includes digital download card

The concept: One instrument per song, no instrument can be used twice.  This album was the simplest idea, and took longer than anything I've done. I want to hear the barest bones of each song.  Give me the leanest version possible.  Let me hear the pads letting gently down on the saxophone.  Let me hear your fingers slide on the cello.  Let me hear you breath, let me sit with a long pause of silence.

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This Picture is a Dream
  • This Picture is a Dream
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Collection of poems and short stories $8 This is my first book. A collection of poems and short stories.  Focusing on family, love, frustrations, and animals.  Into the third printing of 50.   A Perfect bound book from the Gorbie empire.

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I don't want to 

It seems “I don't want to” has crept into almost everything that is put on my plate. I have these scenes play out in my head all the time; I have not obligations, and I can just go for a walk, all tasks are done and I can just read a good book, I have no obligations, and can spend the day drawing, I don't have work, so I can just have a cup of coffee and water the plants, because nothing is being asked of me I can have a guilt free, do nothing day. Then when I actually have the opportunity to make real one of the above scenarios, I find myself discontent and unable to just be still. 

When it comes to work, exersize, cutting records, getting groceries, recording music, practicing music, playing shows, doing yard work, calling someone, going to an AA meeting, calling the dentist, emailing people, going to shows, etc. etc. etc. 
My first response is “I DON'T WANT TO”. Then those fantasies of free time crop into my mind, those simple moments of escape, those “do nothing” moments, and I know I suck at grasping those. Finding rest is always one step out in front of me.

I have worked and built a good life, I know that. I don't mean to sound like I'm miserable all the time, I'm not. Some of what I talk about can be called “DRIVE”, and there is some truth there, but balance is the slippery reality I can't get a hold of.  If I was ok widdling away the day in front of a TV or computer screen (phone scrolling is a disease I struggle with) then that would not be good either, but that's not really what I'm talking about. I'm not inflicted with laziness. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm just trying out this blog thing, never done it before. 

April 2nd 2023, Sunday morning.

I was planning on canceling my website. Then the moment was on me, and I had to decide. I obviously decided to pay for another year. Having a website is still something I like, though I know I don't get much traffic, and I could do better keeping it updated. Here we are in April and this is my first update since paying for another year. Because my music. "career" has never really caught fire, not in a wide world type of way, I feel this website is just a little outlet to write on when I feel the urge. I rarely have big shows to announce, or big selling singles to alert the masses of, I usually just randomly write with the attitude that no ones reading. I hope I don't sound like "poor me" here. Good old self pity does crop up though. Trust me when I say I can become a dysfunctional mess with all this me me me self centered artist shit. I guess that's one of the perks of this pursuit, it beings out all my scared little boy traits, traits that don't serve me at all anymore.  Eradicating these thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs are a big part of this journey.

So glad you asked, it is coming slow, but it is coming.  While building a new album I have also been building a recording studio. While building a recording studio I have also been working a full time job. While working a full time job I have also been trying to be a husband.  While being a husband I have also been trying to play in a band with my brother  ( Grand Head) While playing in Grand Head.....well, you get it.
The album is coming along great. I started by just laying down guitar tracks, and then vocals. Then the good people I play with come one at a time to record there parts. Now of course all those people have important things going on in their lives too, so scheduling can be a challenge. I would say most of the tracks have been laid, wrapping up that process is very close.

During the recording of this album I am also learning how to properly record in the analog world. How to get to know a real recording console, and use my Otari 8 track tape deck. I'm also learning how to use hardware on the outboard and in board. This has all made the process slow, but sweet. It's going to be a wonderful album the early anyone will ever hear. Ah hell there's that self pity cropping up, I'll be right back, I need to talk with my therapist.

January 8th 2023 (late Christmas celebration)

left to righ: Tim - brother, ME, Mom, Christmas tree, amber - wife, Gordon - dog, Johnny - nephew, Chris - brother.

My nephew treated us to a late Christmas celebration, and a beautiful lodge getaway. He wanted a family holiday, together, in the snow, snug in a mountain lodge. He's been planning this for a while, and it was a present to all of us. He is a real good kid, and all of us were in awe of our retreat for the weekend. At home, on Friday, Amber and I  gathered our presents and a small amount of luggage, and headed for Welches Oregon. Only an hour from home, the drive was easy. Easy in part because the snow Johnny had hoped for did not happen. Therefore the roads were on our side, and in good shape. A winter wonderland it was not, but a time to feel gratitude for family, for what matters, for gifts, for presents, and for love it was.

We arrived around 5:30. I figured the place would be nice but had no idea it would be this cool. A five bedroom rustic lodge is what we came upon. Three floors, a huge fireplace in the middle of the front room, pine paneled walls, and wood floors, real cozy, real plush, real special. The folks that rent the place left up the Christmas tree ( A family before us had actually spent Christmas here). Underneath the tree some gifts already made a home. I brought my presents in a laundry hamper. This is how my grandmother always did it, and I consider it honoring her, and her memory. We put our presents under the tree, and got settled. Gordon has a sense of family (his extended pack) and was full of vim and viger. He was full of love for his pack. 

We ate dinner together in our new winter home, something families should do more of, without distractions, at a proper dinner table. I brought a ham and some scalloped potatoes. A family at the dinner table is a many splendored thing. Mom sat to my right, Amber to my left, Tim and Chris and Johnny, across the table. I felt mom was feeling some anxiety, and knew this entire trip was a little out of her comfort zone. Our whole family deals with anxiety issues. I was grateful she braved the trip and was with us. It would not be the same without her.  After dinner we hung out for a bit, decided to be up early to go out to breakfast and then went to bed. A good first night.

I slept like garbage, but was up and at em early. Made some coffee, and joined my mother in the front room. She slept horrible and had been up since 4 am. My brother Chris was out walking (he's been taking care of himself and losing weight.) So mom and I had a visit. We talked about sleep, and meditation, and panic attacks. Panic attacks also seem to run in the family. We both talk to our panic attacks : "Ok I know what you are, and although you make me uncomfortable you will not hurt me, and you will pass. I have nothing to fear."

We went to breakfast, and the coffee was horrible. I would call it hot water with a stale old drip coffee maker taste. The French toast however was real good. Mom got the same, Tim got steak and eggs, not sure on the rest of the orders, but I think Chris ordered biscuits and gravy (gravy he wanted on the side, but it was not to be) When we got back to the place I took a nap, and it was needed. I did miss something monumental, Gordon jumped into the hot tub. Gordon's legend grows. 

When it came time to open presents, Johnny started a fire, I put on an Elvis Christmas record, and we all took our places in the front room. Johnny (being the youngest) passed out presents. We open presents in order of age, youngest first etc etc. We did a pretty good job of sticking to this, but it did get a little loose here and there. The magic this night is really just sitting together and feeling the joy of family. Our history's are all linked. We have known each other since the beginning (mom of course has us all beat here, but you get it, we all go back pretty far with each other.) 

We finish presents and listen to more music, and before you know it it is all over. We all stay up a little later on this night. We talk, and razz each other. We look at our gifts, ones we have given to each other, and ones we have received. We go to bed and all sleep a little better. ln the morning some of us drink coffee (Johnny has never warmed up to coffee.) We dream aloud about winning the lottery and being able to have a place like this. Deep down we know we are probably not going to ever have that kind of money, but we are a successful family, we really have won the lottery. Who knows, maybe I get a song placed on a cool movie, and my music career takes off. Then I can treat next time, and maybe the time after.

Chapel Recording Studio

December 22nd 2022

I have been at my job for 31 years. I drive a truck for a food distribution company. I'm 57 years old (58 in April.) That means I've given over half of my life to the  company. I have always felt that I don't really care what I do for a living  as long as I can play music. Now I could spend all day telling you about second guessing the decision to work for the man, I wont do that. Like anything, the good column gets filled and so does the negative column. But I hear successful artist talk about going all in, not having a plan B, having to make it or die trying. Truth is most don't make it. Now I'm far too old to quite my day job and go "all in" I'm not sure I ever made the decision to not go "all in" not sure I ever had a choice. I just always wanted my own place, and some independence. Getting a job always seemed like what you did to achieve that, so here we are.

I am only a few years away from retiring. Unless something really shitty happens I will start pulling my pension and living the retired life. Life is short, but it sure seems long to me. I'll tell you that once you start to see the end, the reality of not working coming close, it's hard to shake the thoughts. I'm restless at my job, maybe even burned out. I'm starting to feel tired of getting up in the dark and driving to work. Tired of working all day, and driving home at the end of it. I want to run my own studio, I want to take the dog for long walks, I want to raise a dog from a puppy, I want to drink coffee and read in bed, start my day like that. Giving my life to the working way has made it so I will have some security in my old age. Not sure what will really become of me in my golden years. I'm pretty sure I won't ever win the lottery, or become famous. Me and all you other artist that have kept, and worked a day job, or a night job. I'm tipping my cap to you, to us. For all the times we drug out tired asses in to work after a late night gig. for all the times we used out vacation for a meaningless tour, for all the times we sat and wondered what would have happened it I gave it all to my music. I'm telling you that you have. You have left it all on the field, and will continue to do so......till the end.

The important things

November 26. 2022

I like to take Thanksgiving week off from work. It frees me up to have my time in a casual way. It means I won't be rushed. If I want to spend the night at my mothers house I can, if I want to sit and have pizza with my mother and brother and let the whole world pass me by I can. If I want to spend the morning with my dog, having coffee, and updating my website I can. If I want to spend time with my wife, re-connecting, (because I've been dis-connecting) I can. I also enjoy a good cold winter walk (though now it's warmed up a little and started to rain.) My family, my wife, my dog, my pie and coffee, those are some of the important things.

I spent yesterday working on my new album. In the studio everything gets under a microscope. It's where all my insecurities come out to play. Mainly I put my singing under that microscope. I hope for something that I'm not, a great and natural singer. I have visions of finally being happy with my voice and singing all the songs in one take, and sitting back and feeling content. This rarely happens. I hear every imperfection and often find myself disappointed. Even the songs I think turned out great will be listened to later and re-evaluated as not so good. It's in these moments that I need to remember the important things.

Yesterday I got a lot of good stuff on tape, working only on vocals. I made a mistake and ended up on the hardest song, at the end of the day. I was tired and just couldn't get it right. So I ended the session and went home a little depressed, forgetting about all the stuff that was good that day. This is how I do life sometimes, and it's all backwards. It's damaging to me and others who I share life with. So I open up my MacBook this morning and write about it. Then I look down and see my dogs beautiful eyes, I hear my wife turning over on the bed, I remember Thanksgiving, and watching that new Elvis movie with my mom, having pizza with my brother, running the Turkey Trot and being happy to be healthy. I think how all those things can come together with in my life. Then I reach down and have a bite of pie, and a sip of coffee. For a minute I feel like everything is going to be ok.

September 4th 2022

All my dreams are coming true

That's me standing on the right.  I'm watching Stealin' Yer Booze play at the Longview show. It's my favorite picture of the night. I'd like to tell you, that at this moment, I'm gushing with pride, but that would not be true. It's only now that I see this picture that pride comes in (gushing is a strong word.) At point of this picture, I'm still worrying if more people will come, if everyone is having a good time, is the sound is ok, can I keep all the acts on a tight time frame, will I play well, will I cover my costs, will I sell any records, etc. etc. ect

Looking at the picture now (next day) I am impressed with it all, and I realize I don't get all the credit. It's a group effort, and if you erase everything in the picture but me it's a little sad. I say at shows all the time, and I mean it; The most valuable thing we have is our time, and the fact that everyone in the picture decided to spend that valuable time at the show (as an audience member, or performer) is something to feel gratitude for, and I do

I began the  day with a drive to Longview. I arrived in town a little early, and decided to pay the local record store a visit. I thought maybe I might consign a few of my solo albums. The Stash is a very cool record store on Commerce. I love the fact that it's just down the street from what used to Korean's music store. A place where I took my first guitar lessons, and bought my first guitar. It's also a place that head rows and rows of 45's and also sheet music. A good small town music store (they sold washers and dryers and the such as well) The Stash is owned by a guy named Tyler (he has one employee but damn me I can't remember his name.) A great couple of guys that welcomed me in an promptly bought two of each of my solo albums. Paying me cash (which is so appreciated), and spending some nice time chatting. I hope they can sell those damn records, I hope they can sustain a long business. Longview needs a cool record store and this is that. Grateful for them.

Then I went home to visit mom. The door was open when I walked in, and she was getting ready to meditate. I said "Don't stop, I'll meditate with you", and so we did that. Just a little 10 minute beginner session (which a beginner is what I am) This was a highlight of the day. My brother came over and we head some dinner, then we left for the show. 

My brother Chris helped set up, and work the door. Dead Hollows brought the P.A. Tyler and Todd both were a big help in setting up the show. I always get a little manic when trying to set up for a show. In the end all was ready to go in short time. All the bands turned in great sets and stuck to the time frame. I felt I played well, and was grateful for my band: Brandi Starbird and Adam Sullivan. I'll do it again, and again. The doubt will creep in about all I do, then I'll wrestle with it and keep moving forward. I will have to fight off negative thoughts and worries. And after it all I'll find myself at home with a bowl of ice cream. Feeling hopeful, and grateful. Flawed and human to the end.




September 3rd & September 10th

September 3rd is a good 'ole. hometown show. Grass roots in nature, and cooly intimate. The show is in the small room at the Woman's Club. This has been a venue with many memories for me. When I was a teenager local rock bands would rent the place out and have shows. Then it was a different kind of thing. The bands did mostly covers, and those consisted of a wide variety of current and classic rock/metal. If you were lucky they would have a keg of beer. An underage boy I was, getting a taste of suds. I have fond memories of those nights, dreaming of some day playing my own show, and showing them how those metal riffs should sound. 

I was also married in the Woman's Club, the same room this show will be in. Old dark wood, fireplace, pine adorned walls. I remember my knees knocked when I was saying my vows. Until then I thought knocking knees was a myth. I also remember the reception after. I had my brothers punk band M.I.S play. I got too drunk, and made all the adults leave. Honestly I'm a little ashamed of that day.

The Longview show features an all Longview line up. Good friends who have made they're mistakes and lives in Longview. Show will start on time at 8pm. $5 measly bucks will get you in the door and promise me I lose money. It's ok, and I mean that. It's why I have a day job.

The September 10th show is in Milwaukie. We're in the Annex right next to the chapel theater. If you come early or hang out late I can show you the little studio I'm part of. Headlining the show is St. Even (Steve Adam or you might know him as Steve Hefter) Steve live's Baltimore and whenever he comes to town I feel compelled to have a show. It's a good way to make sure I hear him play. Steve lived here in Portland for a while. I met him at the White Eagle open mic. That's also where I met Jake Kelly. this show is oozing with talent.