There is something in the air. It usually comes in December. When the seasonal change really starts to set in. You can perceive it in October, and November, but December is the real teller. Stepping outside in the early morning, taking a deep breath (I always take a deep breath when I leave home) My lungs and sense of smell are filled with a drug. It is intoxicating, and best of all there is no crash, no sense of guilt, no regret. The first buzz I get is a simple time travel buzz, a feeling. It's an immediate conncection with walking to school as a boy. I'm almost 11 years old again, walking with my saxophone (I remember thinking it was so heavy.) I'm in touch with feeling a little nervous, (the school year is still young) feeling cold, and probably worried I didn't study or finish any assignments. All those seemingly negative emotions are overshadowed by one heaping feeling......my blood is alive with possibilities, with dreams that come when you are young.
The other part of the recipe is Christmas, the hopes of a white Christmas, the colors and smells of that particular holiday. You can't downplay the excitment of a young boy looking forward to opening presents. I fondy remember believing in Santa Clause, and watching all the holiday classics, Rudolph, Frosty, Grinch etc etc. My mother, grandmother, aunts, uncles all made this a time of feeling loved. I may have lost my father very young, and my stepfather was a heavy drinker, but mom and family always made me feel loved. the saying is true: People will forget things you say and do, but they will never forget the way you made them feel.
That gift, that feeling that comes back every time I step out into a cold December morning, will never go away. How strong and eternal is that? I'm grateful for it, and those memories. I'm grateful I stopped smoking and drinking my life away, so I can take a deep enough breath to conjure up all those feelings.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY.
